Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
