She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
