FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
