How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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