Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
