Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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