i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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