I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
