You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
