On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You're a waste of cheezeits
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
