also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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