He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
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A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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