im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
