If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
