Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
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