I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
