ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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