i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
