I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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