Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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