I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
