$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
