Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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