I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Those nachos came to me in a dream
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
