her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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