I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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