I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
