So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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