Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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