saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
