No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
