Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
