You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
