put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
