Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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