So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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