Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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