Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
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Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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