also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
