We won't sleep together?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
