I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
