i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
