my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
