Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
