The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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