I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
