It's just like the Real World with babies
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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