I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
