he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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