Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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