you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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