don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
