Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
