Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
