every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
