My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
