your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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