That's intense
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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