I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
they need to just BURY HIM!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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