Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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