Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The uberlube is also flammable
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
